7 Video Game Characters Tarnished Could Beat In A Fight


The Ternished – Elden Ring’s main protag – is a powerful guy indeed. Although they didn’t have Maidens to keep them on the straight and narrow, they continued to do great things – and, let’s be honest, weird things. Committed deicide? Check. Have you encountered a pair of sensitive fingers? Check. Destroyed/restored/replaced a celestial being that might actually be a Lovecraftian cosmic entity bent on enslaving the world? Three for three.

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Despite all their accomplishments, there are still characters in the larger video game universe who could step into the ring and give them a hard time. For the sake of discussion, we’ll remove the inherent immortality attributed to The Ternished. We’ll just categorize this as a “convenient gameplay mechanic” – otherwise we’d be here all day. Let’s crack.


seven The Chosen Undead – Dark Souls

We start big. The Ternished could applaud The Chosen Undead. At first, you might think this might be a pretty even fight since they both have similar moves and exist in relatively depressing worlds. The fact is, however, that the difference between them is stark once you look at their respective rosters.

First, The Chosen Undead – what did they actually do? They traveled through an already dead world, slaying mostly dead things and moaning about gods and bosses far past their prime. The Terni did similar things, but also killed a Galactic Slave Envoy and Miquella (who is arguably far more dangerous).

Link, in all of his incarnations, has done some truly awesome things. He traveled back in time, stopped a planetary object from destroying what could be considered his own personal purgatory, and escaped a coma by conjuring up an island in his dreams and waking up an oversized fish.

The thing is, Link is also a totally wet noodle. He has always been a slave to a Higher Will – a puppet on a string with the thin veil of “Hero” and “Destiny” to disguise him. Link is, to The Ternished, nothing more than a slave to an entity they have already killed. Link is, in a sense, Radagon – but with blonde hair. Oh, and let’s not forget that once Link fell down a well and died.

5 Ellie – The Last of Us

Ellie is one hell of a badass. She has carved her way into the hearts of millions with her wit, charm, and propensity for mass murder, be it human or zombie. Ellie could take on many characters from the video game universe and give most of them a run for their money. But could she beat them in a fight?

No. This also includes The Terminated. Ellie is all about the murder. She is almost an unstoppable killing machine. Almost. Ellie’s biggest weakness in a fight is her inability to keep up when fighting the final boss. If Ellie fought the Terni, she would give up at the last second and walk away. And before she could take more than a few steps, she would be vaporized by an Azure Comet.

4 Kratos – God Of War: Chains of Olympus

Ok, I know what you’re thinking. Granted, The Ternished would be brutally murdered by Kratos in a fight. Yes, you would be right. But, Kratos isn’t infallible, and he’s had moments of questionable combat ability, reasoning, and planning. Remember, Kratos was once a potato.

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In God Of War – Chains Of Olympus, Kratos was a very angry potato, and this decision would be his end. As powerful as he was, the clumsiness of his outfit would slow him down. The moist interior of the tattooed skin would lubricate his body and make him struggle for balance. It was in this moment of weakness that The Ternished could Transient Moonlight Kratos into oblivion.

3 Slice of bread – I am bread

If The Ternished could kill the mighty god of war in potato disguise, then a slice of sentient bread is no match for it. This toast pre-evolution has achieved a lot in its lifetime, but it’s just no match for The Ternished’s overwhelming power and wide array of weapons, spells, and incantations.

The only way for a slice of bread to defeat The Ternished would be to manage to get out of bounds using his supernatural climbing abilities. Unfortunately, this would count as a disqualification as we are using Soul Calibur rules for all of these fights. It’s an instant dub for The Ternished right there.

2 Fred Durst – WWF Smackdown! Bring It On / Fight Club

Fred Durst is nearly unstoppable. He is the leader of the most famous group in the world (if we believe Google), among others. What few people realize is that this one-man adonis is also a veteran fighter in the video game space. This solidified during his tenure in 2001 WWF Smackdown! Bring it on and Fight Club from 2004.

Fred Durst has faced legends of The Ring – such as The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin. What can a lowly Terni do against such a force – such a power? The Ternished are well versed in the art of wrestling, as they, in fact, kicked Horrah Loux. As radiant as Fred Durst is, he can’t hold a candle to the god of wrestling himself.

1 Bill and Hillary Clinton – NBA Jam Tournament Edition

The ultimate tag team duo. Bill and Hillary Clinton are monsters of the political sphere – so powerful they can get away with just about anything. Their most famous appearance, though? NBA Jam Tournament edition. It was here that they reached the peak of their popularity, proving they can lead nations and dribble past the best of them.

In a basketball game, The Ternished doesn’t stand a chance. Even with his jumping ability, they can’t land those sweet dunks. But it’s no trick on the court, and The Ternished have faced duos before. In fact, they faced a team of political leaders. Of course, we’re talking about Radagon and Queen Marika – both of whom were slain during The Ternished Crusade. They can’t score a three-pointer, but they can ram people with their sharp stick.

Next: Elden Ring: Most Notable References & Easter Eggs

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