Video game characters that I would totally spend Valentine’s Day with

I am a fairly easy-going girl. Suck romance into a game, even if it doesn’t matter to be there, and you’ll probably get me to play it. My fondness for love stories is the reason I have played countless visual novels and purchased every iteration of Story of Seasons or Harvest Moon. I like to fall in love.

Anyway, if I could spend Valentine’s Day with one of my favorite heroes (or villains), here’s who I would choose.

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Garrus Vakarian

I don’t know how many times I’ve played Mass Effect again. I made a point of romanticizing (almost) everyone, but Garrus is the only teammate I’ve drunk and dined with several times. He’s my space lover. My sassy boyfriend Turian is probably the only healthy video game romance option I’ve ever looked for. Archangel has that suave, weirdly two-tone voice, horrific dance moves, and a cheeky sense of humor that woos me every time. Plus, there’s the Citadel DLC, where you go on a ridiculous James Bond-style adventure with him and end up having a hangover and hugs. I imagine Valentine’s Day is a silly human thing that most Turians would laugh at, but not Garrus. He would spoil you 100%, bringing champagne, playing background music and awkwardly commenting on your height. Oh, Garrus. I love you, little friend from space.

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Zhongli

Well Zhongli is a god so I think he doesn’t really have time for the weird stuff of normal people. But if he did, he could absolutely come to my house and hang out. He wouldn’t really have to do much; my only request is that he say his “I’ll get an order” line from the Genshin Impact trailer, and I’d be happy with the date. He could write contracts, I could brush his pretty hair. Keep it sane because it already feels like sacrilege, given the status of a god and everything. However, call me, Mr. Lord of Geo.


Bayonetta

She’s eight feet or something; that’s reason enough to land Bayonetta here. There’s a scene in the second game where Bayonetta and Jeanne are shopping, and for Valentine’s Day I want to be their third wheel. I always thought they were one thing, but I would be happy to follow them and carry their bags. Of all the people on my list, I think she would be the only one who intimidates me too much to talk about. Bayonetta is sleek, talented, and looks like a runway model. I’m easily a yard shorter, have no fashion sense, and look a bit like an old potato, but I hope Bayonetta makes me happy on Valentine’s Day.



Ser Aymeric

If you’ve played Final Fantasy 14 then Borel’s Aymeric was already on your roster, so don’t lie and play shy about it. The Lord Commander of the Temple Knights makes me furiously smash my screenshot button every time it appears in a scene. In Heavensward patch 3.4, Aymeric invites you to dinner at his big, chic house, and I screamed about this quest to month. There is even wine! (Or some kind of fancy Eorzean alcohol). Critics may insist that this is a business meeting between allies trying to save the world from the constant threat of evil, but I think Aymeric was hitting on my Warrior of Light. And for Valentine’s Day, he can hit on me.


Aerith and Tifa

To end the stupid fan war over who Clouds belong to, I volunteer to be with Aerith and Tifa. Cloud can spend Valentine’s Day alone, sorry. After Final Fantasy 7 Remake, I spent countless hours crying over how perfect their friendship was, and I’m tired of people pitting them against each other for a guy. For Valentine’s Day, we take out the pretty dresses, we make up each other and we walk around Wall Market. Aerith can pick me flowers and Tifa can make me drinks; we are the perfect trio.


Transistor sword boyfriend

I don’t even think he has a canon name, do I? I have spent all these years calling it the alluring sword of Transistor. I know we could never be together, given that he’s a sword and I’m not a sword, but I’m always ready to drag him like Red. He seems to be a great conversationalist, and sometimes that is really all you need. For Valentine’s Day, I would take my attractive sword boyfriend to the park and talk to him while watching a romantic sunset. People might look at me and think I’m a little weird, but I already understand that when I’m alone, so I don’t see any harm in trying.


Lady Dimitrescu

I still don’t know anything about this woman other than the fact that she is 9’6 “and wants to stab me, and that’s good. I’ve probably had worse dates with Tinder. I think that my whole point for a Valentine’s Day with the creepy giant lady comes down to her height and her amazing hat, but in a few months I hope to learn more about her endearing qualities like her hobbies, hopes and talents. dreams as a murderous wicked witch. Anyway, have you met my three terrifying stepdaughters yet?

I could probably do this issue until Valentine’s Day 2022, but I’ll spare the world from these rides. Instead, shout out my honorable mentions: Karen from Harvest Moon, every romantic character from Fire Emblem, Dante from Devil May Cry, Prince Sidon from Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, and A2 from Nier Automata.

Next: Mass Effect’s Garrus Vakarian Was Never Meant To Be A Romantic Option


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